TLA 4 - The Panacea Appeal of the Matron

       Cheerilee busied herself in the Library's kitchen, her upbeat humming in harmony with the mid-morning sunlight that beamed through the window. Truly, she felt at the top of her game, ready to tackle anything to day might throw at her–and rightly, it would throw everything it could. Putting together a pair of daisy sandwiches, Cheerilee couldn't help but start to bend her back legs a bit, hopping about and dancing to some imaginary tune.

       It wasn't long at all before she was shaking what her momma gave her. "Who's a silly pony~!" Cheerilee sang, a foalish smile on her face. Swinging about, Cheerilee started to lose herself in the old pony pop song, calling back to the old days of fast living and ridiculous hair of her youth. Abandoning the sandwiches on the table, Cheerilee went into full 'break it down' mode, her limbs shaking off their rust as the schoolteacher performed her celebratory dance in the solitude of the kitchen.

       Pulling off moves that would make Pinkie Pie jealous, Cheerilee swept her tail across the seats at the table set against the wall, dusting off the chairs as she continued to rock out. Despite the tragic loss of a few inches of her mane, it still flowed around her like a satin curtain. "Who is? You is–Twilight Sparkle!"

       Framed in the doorway, Twilight Sparkle stood stoically at the frozen Cheerilee in mid-breakdance. A long silence filled the air as Twilight's eyes attempted to decode the situation, but the throbbing at the back of her head caused her to forget what just happened.

       "I have become death."

       Already on her hooves, Cheerilee trotted over to Twilight, bolstering her marefriend and leading her to her seat. "Oh, you poor dear. You must have one terrible headache."

       "I will burn down the countrysides and all will fear me."

       Taking up the daisy sandwiches and placing one in front of Twilight, Cheerilee quickly set about gathering a strange amount of ingredients. Among them included garlic, onions, toothpaste, orange juice, ground up coffee beans, and half of a chocolate bar. Gathering further ingredients, Cheerilee set to work. Over at the kitchen table, Twilight let her mane fall over her eyes as she slumped. Her voice was subdued, but with purpose.

       "I shall bring Canterlot to it's end, and all shall know my pain."

       Thankfully finding a blender with a Canterlot Cutlery branding, Cheerilee put all the foodstuffs in the gaping maw of the machine. With a tentative glance back at Twilight Sparkle, Cheerilee pressed the Food Hurricane setting on the blender and watched the green sludge start to form. Twilight released a groan as loud as the blender as the high pitched sound drove nails into her brain.

       "A pox! A pox on your house!" she decried.

       Cheerilee tittered her tongue, pouring the indeterminate, mildly liquid drink to a glass and sliding it over to Twilight. "Here Twilight, this'll help with the hangover."

       Begrudgingly, Twilight wrapped a hoof around the glass. "I'll show you who's going to be hung over this..." With an uncharismatic swig, Twilight downed the foul drink without taking time to appreciate the taste. With her slowed response, Twilight had already swallowed before realizing that what had hit her tongue was quite possibly the worst poison known to pony kind.

       The taste was not unlike that of the deepest depths of Tartarus, marinated in pools of acid. Beelzebub had officiated this swill as the one banned drink of all of existence, a fact that the Sisters and Discord had signed a blood treaty to never speak of it again. While her ancestors had no gag-reflex to speak of, it was this concoction that forced her great-and-then-some grandparents to develop one.

       Twilight's magic reached out for a nearby napkin, wishing to remove the foul taste from her memory. In her haste, Twilight fumbled the napkin on the first swipe of her tongue, the paper slipping from her magical grip and sticking to the floor below. Eyes bulging, Twilight looked at her last salvation on the ground. Slowly, she turned to stare at Cheerilee. "Why? Why would you do this to me?" Her eyes were watering. Not from tears, but from the some terrible spice that refused to let go of the back of her throat.

       "Mellow ou—" Cheerilee coughed. "I mean, calm down, Twilight," she soothed, putting her hoof on Twilight's back. At first the student seemed to resist the touch. Yet, as Cheerilee started to rub the back of her neck, Twilight found herself unable to refuse the gesture. "It's a recipe I learned from my moth— it's an old family recipe for hangovers."

       Twilight's mind whirred back to reality, no longer slogged down by the alcohol induced torture she had endured. "That's a hangover?" she breathed. "Why would anypony want to drink ever if that's what happens in the morning?"

       "So says the shameless mare."

       Twilight suddenly ducked her head down so her mane would fall over her face. "M-my books said that copious amounts of alcohol would lead to not knowing what happened the previous night."

       "You remember everything?"

       Twilight tried unsuccessfully to hide deeper into her mane. "In detail. At least until we got here. Then it's all a blur—" It hadn't really occurred to Twilight Sparkle until just now that she was currently sitting in her kitchen with Cheerilee. In the morning. After waking up from a date. Snapping her head up, she nearly took out Cheerilee. "Ohmygosh, we didn't—!"

       Cheerilee furrowed her eyebrows, a slow dawning revealing over her face. However, once she grasped the question, her reaction was swift. "What? No! Twilight, please, I deserve a little more credit than that!" she said. "We got in pretty early, and Spike helped me up to your room."

       Twilight mentally logged away that she hadn't seen her little dragon assistant around anywhere this morning as something she'd have to check up on later. "So you took the extra bed, instead of going home," Twilight concluded, her eyes narrowing. "Why?"

       Cheerilee chuckled, pouring a cup of coffee. "Because Spike doesn't know how to deal with a drunken unicorn. The poor dear, he started looking up books in the library on it." Returning to the table, Cheerilee took a sip of her black coffee and mused. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen him all morning."

       Twilight's cheeks flared red as she averted her eyes from Cheerilee. She watched the doorway a moment, trying to guess where Spike had gone. More importantly though, she was trying to figure out the best way to avoid him. "Oh brother, I don't know how I'm going to face him."

       Cheerilee leaned on her hoof, wearing an expectant smile. "I don't think he's the one you have to worry about."

       Twilight stared out the window at the ponies going about their daily tasks. It didn't take long for her to recognize two stallions, a peach unicorn and his midnight blue friend, walking down the street together. The same two from the restaurant, her increasingly sober mind reminded her. And they had ducked out before she got absolutely plastered. "I am never leaving my library again."

       Cheerilee chuckled. "But then how will you ever visit your friends?" She knew Twilight was capable of sticking to any idea until its inevitable fruition, if yesterday was any indication. "And I guess that means we're done for dates, as well?"

       Twilight's eyes nearly bulged out of her head. "I-I-I-I-No!" she nearly screamed. Cheerilee's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I'll leave the library! I'll do it right now! See?" With a spark of her horn, Twilight focused on the outside of the tree house. Within seconds, she had disappeared in a flash of fuchsia magic and reappeared right outside her own window.

       "See! Outside! Now we can date again!" came her muffled voice. With a winking smile, Cheerilee returned to her cup of coffee, Twilight scrambling to explain to random passersby why she had just shouted her location after seemingly teleporting from nowhere.

-----

       Cheerilee hated humid days. She didn't hate a lot of things, in fact she made sure her students were as far away from subjects such as 'hate'. There was no room for it in her classroom. She was careful when it came to things like hate. But humidity deserved it. It made paper sticky, it made hooves sticky, it made that awful scllllleck sound when you left the frog of your hoof on the table too long and it would peel off the surface. Hate was well-deserved for humidity, but again, she kept it out of her classroom.

       Her classroom had some wonderful enchantments on it that kept it from being too hot or too cold. Or too Celestia-dammed humid. Like today was. The stickiness of the hanging water in the air stuck to her coat and made every step, every movement, feel like she was slogging through the worst excuse of a swimming hole this side of Canterlot. Cheerilee hated humid days.

       It stood to reason that, upon leaving the similarly enchanted tree house her marefriend lived in and into the humid soup of the outside, on days like today she would do equally unpleasant tasks as the worst weather imaginable. No use mucking up a good day doing something you never wanted to do. Cheerilee picked up the speed of her trot as she waved greetings to whichever pony got close enough to her. She didn't stick around long enough for idle chit chat like talking about the weather.

       Cheerilee hated talking about the weather.

       Relenting, Cheerilee reiterated that point in her head. She hated talking about bad weather. The sun could be shining and not a cloud could be in the sky and she'd talk somepony's ear off about the weather, but today she wanted nothing to do with it. She just wanted to get to the most unpleasant thing she could think of doing and get it over with.

       She was going to her mother's.

       Ponyville had the odd characteristic of having a lot of houses, but very little deviation between them. Some ponies would simply plant flowers that resembled their cutie marks, or change the color of their shutters.  Cheerilee knew that some time ago, when Ponyville was founded, the settling ponies were quick to put up a certain architecture of houses because it was easy and serviceable. However, as time went on, it made keeping track of where one was a slight bit difficult. It took entrepreneurial ponies like the Cakes or Rarity to commission the work of some architect to craft a unique looking house or business.

       The point was Cheerilee was trying very hard not to feel absolutely awful for forgetting which house was exactly the one she grew up in.

       It's not that she was a terrible daughter, forgetting exactly where her mother lived and raised her. No, it was simply that she had a system for remembering how to get to her mothers' from certain places in Ponyville. She had never quite ventured to this part of town from the library, so it stood to reason that she'd be a little lost. Nothing too much.

       Well, that's what she told herself, anyway. "Cheerilee!" a voice called, catching her attention. Daisy stood nearby, waving with her watering can in one hoof. "So good to see you!" she smiled. Cheerilee absolutely beamed at her former student– Daisy was on her last year of school when Cheerilee was on her first year of teaching, and what's more was that she also happened to be her mother's next door neighbor.

       "Daisy! How good to see you. How are the flowers this year?" Cheerilee greeted. Daisy was, for all intents and purposes, the most standard kind of pony you could find. Kind, reliable to a point, easy to make small talk with. Completely and utterly non threatening in any way, whatsoever. She wasn't even all that perceptive, either, seeing as she never seemed to question the conga line of mares that often left the house next door, often looking like they survived a night wrestling with a grizzly bear.

       "Oh, they've been fantastic! One of the best years for my daisies. Rose has been talking up her flowers all month, but I think I'll be showing her who's who in this year's Flower show!" Daisy giggled, which Cheerilee returned in kind. "So what are you doing out here today?"
       
       Cheerilee waved her hoof, dismissing the question with a smile. "Oh, nothing much, just on my way to visit my mother is all. Nothing special."

       Daisy gave her a long stare. "But Cheerilee, isn't your mom's place... that way?" Pointing her hoof, Daisy gestured over to the house Cheerilee had just passed. "I thought you were leaving."

       Cheerilee stared at the home in question. Familiar shutters, hedges, and– the door was painted pink with white trim. That's how she remembered which one was hers. "Oh! Um, yes. That's correct. I just... came over to see how you were doing, Daisy!" she lied, her smile rigid. "But I just realized what I needed to talk about with my mother was important so I have to go. See you later!" Before Daisy could even so much as say farewell, Cheerilee nearly galloped the final paces toward her door and opened it without a second thought.

       As it turned out, coffee was spilled over the table. Well, not so much coffee as a pony. Her blonde mane was just south of everywhere, and did a fantastic job of covering her face. However, that didn't stop Cheerilee from recognizing the prone form as that of the waitress from last night, her uniform discarded on the floor near Cheerilee's hooves, the nametag reading, Hot Coffee. "Ah," she mused, disdainfully kicking the uniform aside and trotting past the unconscious mare. "It's not like mother to leave her toys out."

       Ignoring a rather loud snore from the pony behind her, Cheerilee entered the kitchen. Sat at the table was her mother, no worse for wear as last night. She was in a bath robe, pale blue and completely untied. Her mane was tied in two small double buns on either side of her head, skillfully wrapped in such a way that would confuse most anypony without magic. "Mother." Her mother smiled, her eyes sparkling as she saw her daughter. As she put her mug of coffee down, Cheerilee couldn't help but quip, "Haven't you had enough coffee this morning?"

       She laughed of course, shrugging her shoulders as she slid off the table. She approached her daughter and wrapped her in a hug, which Cheerilee readily returned on instinct. "Cherry, what a surprise to see you! Sorry about the living room, we didn't quite make it as far as I thought we would."

       "It's nothing I haven't seen before mother. This is actually fairly... tame, considering," Cheerilee said, looking towards the door every few moments in wait to see the mare from last night. "Much better than when I caught you with my teacher..."

       "I keep telling you, Cherry, it had no effect on your grades whatsoever," her mother defended, putting a hoof on her chest. "And really, that mare still has the spunk of a thirty year old." Putting her hoof on the table, she leaned her head against the frog of her hoof. "You'd think the politics would make her tired."

       Cheerilee poured herself a cup of coffee, her mother's words flowing in one ear and out the other. She would continually forget to censor herself for her daughter, and in the end Cheerilee had adapted to it, rather than her mother learning that some things were not meant for other ponies' ears. "Mmhm," she murmured, simply agreeing to move the conversation along. Twilight had good coffee at her home, but it wasn't anything like the stuff her mother would keep around. It was one of the few joys she could expect from visiting. Sitting down at the table, Cheerilee simply stared and nodded every so often as her mother recounted the latest news around Ponyville, never forgetting to explain in detail just which mares she bedded along the way. Somewhere between talking about old times with Mrs. Cake and reveling in the time she was approached by Merry Way, a barely legal mare, Cheerilee considered that Hot Coffee's mother might have gotten her daughter's name by way of euphemism while visiting this house. By the time her mother was winding down, Cheerilee had convinced herself this was the case.

       "But enough about me, Cherry. How are you doing? And how is that wonderful little purple mare? Mm, she was cute!" she sighed contentedly, a small smile on her face. "And a unicorn. Mm, you do have your mother's taste."

       Cheerilee's eye twitched, but she quickly breathed in deeply, regaining her composure. "Her name is Twilight, mother. You know that. We were both there. Last night."

       Her mother nodded, her smile growing as she let her eyes close. "Yes, I suppose we were."

       "That's actually what I wanted to talk about with you today. Don't get me wrong mother, I don't dislike you, but it was very... let's say surprising to see you there."

       "Oh, Cheerilee, I thought I told you I was feeling a mite bit peckish, and wanted to treat myself a little bit!" her mother said, taking a short sip from her coffee. "I really didn't mean to take that waitress home, but she was so willing, dear. She really reminds me of some mare I used to know around here. Coffee Bean, I think it was?"

       Cheerilee huffed, blowing air out one side of her mouth. She had just gotten over listening to her mother's stories, she was not about to stomach another. "Yes, maybe, I don't know mother. Back to the restaurant. I find it hard to believe my own mother would come to the same restaurant as I would, sit behind me, and not offer one small smidgen of warning that she was there all night!"

       Her conversation partner looked taken aback, placing a hoof over her heart as she learned back from the table. "Why Cheerilee, are you assuming that I was... spying on you?"

       Cheerilee's eyes fell into half-moons as her voice went just as flat. "I think we can drop pretense mother. You were there to spy on me."

       At first her mother looked flabbergasted. Then offended, but finally she melted it all into one big smile and took her mug into both hooves. "Mm, yes I was," she admitted plainly, her shoulders relaxing as she breathed in the aroma from her coffee. "I was on my way to visit you at the schoolhouse after hours to speak to you about that– ahem, Twilight Sparkle. See? I remember her full name."

       "I'll have to remember to put a gold star on your next report card," Cheerilee deadpanned.

       "Wouldn't that be wonderful? I'd put it on the fridge. Fact is, I saw you and her just as you were leaving, and I was just too curious to let bygones be bygones. So I snuck behind you a little and listened in. She's a very interesting mare. Very smart. I can see why you like her. Although... a bit inexperienced for your tastes, isn't she?"

       Cheerilee's expression darkened. "And what's that supposed to mean, mother?"

       Rolling her eyes around, her mother seemed to be drawing information out of the cosmos. "Oh, I dunno honey. There was that lovely, leggy unicorn from Canterlot you sent me a photo of when you were away at college. She had the look of a heartbreaker, I cannot imagine how you let her get away and not the other way around—"

       "Fleur and I were very different ponies who wanted very different things."

       "And when you were young, you had such a crush on the Starswirl the Bearded fellow. Straight out of the history books, you said he looked so dashing. Oh, the look on your face when I told you he had so many partners that there was a statistical chance of 1% that you were his descendent. I swear you swore off all stallions forever at that point."

       "No, mother, that didn't come until later when I dated that pony who became a doctor..."

       Her mother smiled, "Yes, that nice unicorn doctor."

       "I'm leaving." Cheerilee slid her empty mug away from her, getting on all four hooves as she made for the door.

       "Cherry, wait—"

       "Mornin'" came a groggy voice from the doorway. Rubbing her eyes with her hoof, Hot Coffee took a moment to realize the young mare in front of her wasn't the one she stayed the night with. "Oh! Um—"

       "Hello," Cheerilee greeted flatly, "Don't mind me, I'm just leaving. Mother, I'll see you later. Much later, Celestia willing."

       "Oh, Cherry, I'm sorry I embarrassed you...!" Her mother called behind her, but Cheerilee had already put her departure into motion. Stepping over Coffee's uniform, she headed out the door. Stopping at the kitchen door herself, Cheerilee's mother sighed dejectedly. "Oh ponyfeathers."

       Hot Coffee rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she looked toward the coffeemaker. "Z'at your daughter?" she murmured, stepping awkwardly around the elder pony. "I need coffee..."

       "Yes, that was my daughter. I'm afraid she takes a little too much after me, sometimes," she sighed, watching Cheerilee disappear past the windows. She tried to see her for as long as she could, but eventually she dragged herself back to the kitchen to be with her guest.

       "Canterlot Cutlery? Celestia, that's swank." Hot Coffee busied herself with the coffeemaker, but she looked over to the mother. "So, I think she's older than me."

       To say that Cheerilee's mother was not amused by that would be an understatement.